An Examen for the Ordinary Hard
The ordinary hard. That’s the phrase I use to describe the week when it’s business as usual. After work, we commute home, cook, sit through long division, pack lunches, fold laundry.
The Christian life has its own cadence, and before a couple of years ago, mine was Sunday mornings at church and popcorn-style bursts of prayer when it came to mind throughout the week.
There are cobwebs in my house, dusty corners that evidence the fact that time is limited. We can’t do it all. We push through until 10 pm, then collapse on the couch for an hour and watch Netflix.
The ordinary hard is a luxury. Access to it means that we’re housed, clothed, and fed.
Often, interior flourishing comes in waves and is surfaced amidst grief, shame, or other disruptive self-reckonings. But when we’re not in crisis, growth rarely comes if we’re not moving outside of the pattern of our week.
The Examen is a first step towards establishing a rhythm to life and making margin for God in the ordinary hard. I was introduced to it a few years ago in spiritual direction, and studied it again in a discernment class in grad school. When I make space for it, The Examen has been life-giving and meaningful, a way to center myself so I can pay better attention to others.
What is The Examen?
The Examen is a practice of scanning back over your day to reflect on the ways God is showing up in your ordinary life. There is time to bring gratitude to God for good gifts, to lament mistakes, and to set an intention for tomorrow. Many people sit for 10-15 minutes in the evenings, but it doesn’t have to be earmarked for a certain time of day.
How do you do it?
There are five steps:
Be still.
Give thanks to God for your day. In thankfulness, remember the best thing that happened to you.
Think back over your day. Pray as You Go’s Examen for Young Adults (for whatever reason, I like this recorded Examen best) says to “ask for a gentle light to see what God has been doing in your life.”
Confess shortcomings.
Set an intention for tomorrow.
The Examen for children
On Sunday nights before the school week begins, we do our usual nighttime ritual with our kids, age 6 and 9, singing the doxology together and speaking a blessing over them. But once a week or so, we lay on the floor of their room, with each kid resting in a bunk, and listen to an examen for children on the Pray as you Go app. After listening, we ask them what made them happiest today. We ask what was said that hurt them or what they might have said to hurt another. And we ask what they would like God to help them with tomorrow, as they prepare for school. It’s a small practice, but a meaningful one you can try with family.
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